Smokey and the Bass Library
Hey Squirrels,
Who else likes the smell of books? No one… good, I don’t either. Thankfully, we have the Bass Library entryway, where casual smoking is not only acceptable, it’s mandatory. Ahh… I can recount fall days spent idly second-hand-smoking a pack of Cigarillos while sipping a cup of Colombian Roast.
In my opinion, this is Bass’s secret weapon. The magnetic force that drives Branfordians away from their own library, this smokey haze covers the smell of textbooks and shattered dreams that normally accompanies a college library.
This compels one to ask: how do we, as Branfordians, remedy this problem, and bring squirrels back to their homeland? Luckily, I have several tentative solutions:
1. Bring your Swisher-Sweety to the library day.
2. A library exhibit entitled the smells of North Carolinian agriculture.
3. Smoke-alot-of-cigarettes-day.
4. Last, but not least, a movie night, during which we all watch classics while inhaling a bowl of Marboro Redenbocker.
If none of these ideas work for you, I guess that you can just come to the library upon your own volition, as per the status quo.
Satirically yours,
– xoxo Gossip squirrel
