Back from Nut Gathering

After a two-month long hiatus GS is back from collecting nuts for the harsh winter. But over the past two months it seems much has gone on in Branford. From the debauchery of Halloween to the beginning of reading week it seems that Branfordians have been ‘doing work’. The most interesting tidbit of information is that Branford is now in fourth place in the Tyng Cup standings and is poised to overtake inferior Saybrook for third when civilization returns to Yale after Winter Break is over.

The ingenious members of the class of 2013 have reaffirmed their dominance over the eleven lesser colleges many times throughout the fall term. They secured the most auspicious of tables during the Holiday Dinner in Commons, in fact one of our own (Runqi Song) was able to obtain the legendary lobster that they provide at the feast. The freshmen also ensured that BFA was represented on Old Campus by setting lights up over the Vandy Archway.

Members of the class of 2013 pose for a picture after hanging up the BFA in frigid twenty-degree weather.

You know you love me, xoxo – Gossip Squirrel

Hammered, Screwed, and Nailed: Branford Screw 2009

Hey there squirrels,

Finally all your hangovers have faded, you know whose room your roommate slept in, and you’ve realized that it was probably a good thing your date left once you passed through the door of the dining hall.  Alas, you’ll have to wait another year to see your friends tied to the trees, bike racks, and lampposts of Branford (and the Vanderbilt courtyard, too.)  You won’t have to wait quite as long for awkward meetings and drunken shenanigans.  You may have to wait only until Wednesday night for a suitemate to return blackout drunk and poised to vomit on the floor of your room.  Each squirrel had a different screw experience, and each night ended differently.  Here are a few nights you may have had:

Sober Screw: You relied purely on the adrenaline of being on a blind date to summon the energy to dance the night away.  No substance necessary for you to want to dance (and maybe screw.)  While alcohol is a social lubricant, you certainly know how to make things glide on their own.

The “Too Cool to Screw (in Branford)” :  Did not even know that Branford Screw existed.  Went to Mustachio Bashio.

Screw as a Pregame: Went to screw with your date.  Your date left you after 30 minutes.  You gathered your liquid courage to recover from the blow to your self-esteem.  You went to Toad’s and experienced your weekly Q-Pac hook up.

The Epic Failure Screw: Passed out in the bathroom on the way to screw.

The “Close but No Cigar” Screw: You landed a hot date from another college.  The GQ’s new “punch that couldn’t kill you (plus)” helped you out as you started doin’ work on your screw date.  You danced the night away, walked her back to her college, and, to your surprise, failed to score.

The Fairy Tale Screw: You united with your older crush from a distant entryway.  The night was beautiful, and your hair was perfect.  It seemed nothing could go wrong: you had your beauty and he had his charm.  You left screw with only one shoe, and woke up in the morning with no memory of anything after meeting up with your date.  Your shoe was returned to your room.  Still searching for Prince Charming…

Well, squirrels, don’t forget to tell me about your epic eves (and those of your friends, too) at squirreltips@gmail.com

You know you love me, xoxo – Gossip Squirrel

Three Milks and Snow

Hey Squirrels,

Apparently Commons experimented with Latin American food for Hispanic Heritage Month, they should do that more often since they seem to have stir fry every other day…But I have to say one dish caught my eye: it was some odd cake-like thing called “tres leches” which I have to say I ate so much of that I can hibernate since it seems its already snowing. For all you freshen that have never seen snow, prepare  for five months of misery!

Freezing my nuts off,

– xoxo Gossip squirrel

Smokey and the Bass Library

Hey Squirrels,

     Who else likes the smell of books? No one… good, I don’t either. Thankfully, we have the Bass Library entryway, where casual smoking is not only acceptable, it’s mandatory. Ahh… I can recount fall days spent idly second-hand-smoking a pack of Cigarillos while sipping a cup of Colombian Roast.

     In my opinion, this is Bass’s secret weapon. The magnetic force that drives Branfordians away from their own library, this smokey haze covers the smell of textbooks and shattered dreams that normally accompanies a college library.

This compels one to ask: how do we, as Branfordians, remedy this problem, and bring squirrels back to their homeland? Luckily, I have several tentative solutions:

1. Bring your Swisher-Sweety to the library day.

2. A library exhibit  entitled the smells of North Carolinian agriculture.

3. Smoke-alot-of-cigarettes-day.

4. Last, but not least, a movie night, during which we all watch classics while inhaling a bowl of Marboro Redenbocker.

If none of these ideas work for you, I guess that you can just come to the library upon your own volition, as per the status quo.

Satirically yours,

– xoxo Gossip squirrel

Froyo in Commons

Hey Squirrels,

     I would like to preface this post by saying that the Yale Dining Staff is great! However, I have noticed that, in commons, they switched from delicious plain (lightly sweetened) froyo to plain vanilla. Though vanilla is a good, rightful, upstanding, flavor, Commons has lost a certain mistique with the discontinuation of plain froyo.

Oh well, Branford has real ice cream anyway!

–xoxo Gossip Squirrel

Campus Kings, the Yale Shoe

So the shoes I spotted in the dining hall  turn out to be made by Branford God Quad’s very own Chris Chau.

It looks like you can get a pair of sneakers or canvas kicks at https://www.thecampuskings.com/

You know you love me, xoxo – Gossip Squirrel

Have squirreltips?

While I can only be in one place at a time, you, fellow squirrels, have many eyes and ears. If you come across some juicy (nutty) piece of information, contact me at squirreltips@gmail.com

xoxo- Gossip Squirrel

Spotted: Branford Sneaker?

As I entered our dining hall last night, my eyes were immediately drawn to the exquisite specimens on Michelle’s table. No, not someone’s stunning ID picture (is that even possible?), but a pair of bright white sneakers with an imposing blue “Y” on the side. As if that wasn’t enough, Michelle turned them over to reveal a huge Harkness Tower on the underside of each shoe. Not only can you rep Yale, but you can simultaneously spread your Branford pride. JE– do you have sweet sneaks? I think not. Yet another reason JE Sux.

Rumor has it these should be available by the time The Game roles around… and Michelle says she’ll definitely be sporting a pair, so you know it’ll be big. Squirrels, keep your eyes peeled for when you can get yourself a pair, and keep reading.

xoxo- Gossip Squirrel

Big Master’s Tea?

So I heard through the grapevine that a very special visitor might be coming to Yale in the near future. Who? You might ask. None other than the infamous “Scooter” Libby of the former Bush administration. And I was wondering if things would get any more rowdy after a certain Danish cartoonist stopped by. While this is still a rumor it comes from a decently reliable source. So keep your eyes peeled Squirrels, because it sounds like scooter will be sitting down with our very own Master Smith.

You know you love me, xoxo – Gossip Squirrel

Cross Campus Already?

I see that I got a mention in this morning’s Cross Campus. I guess the staff at the YDN is really on its toes for this stuff. This just means more readers and more news so keep on for updates.

xoxo – Gossip Squirrel